Heart and Lungs

2012-02-14T06:27:00.000-08:00

“I would like to be able to breathe— to be able to love her by memory or fidelity. But my heart aches. I love you continuously, intensely.”Albert CamusWhat a V'day.

2012-02-11T20:23:00.000-08:00

“I used to believe that anything was better than nothing. Now I know that sometimes nothing is better.”Glenda JacksonI realize I wasn't over it. some days still brings me back to you.

2012-02-06T07:40:00.000-08:00

"Nothing can extinguish my anger.

And nothing can restore my faith.

This is not a world in which I wish to live."

Sarah Kane; 4.48 Psychosis

days where I just want to have pancakes and tea by the beach, light up a cigarette and read a book. this is life. or at least the kind of life I want to lead. how about you?

Alexis Magazine; January issue. Angie sent it to me teeheee(:

2012-02-03T00:39:00.000-08:00

just came home from brunch with Qide at Privé and I'm meeting xw daryl kw kat and yx ltr at golden mile for dins. wanted to watch Running Man but the page got suspended. pissed. bye.

2012-01-28T07:12:00.000-08:00

“Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else’s opinion, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.”

Oscar WildeI can watch the sunset with you everyday at the same old place, on the same old bench but you, you like to explore new places. you like to change benches. you should know that I would sit at the same old spot waiting for you to come around, we could watch the sun set again and I'll make you stay. Till then, goodbye my best friend.

2012-01-24T08:19:00.000-08:00

Happy CNY. HUAT AR.

currently listening to "I Am Number Four" soundtrack. caught the show yesterday at my relative's house, the soundtrack amaze me more than the movie itself. here's my fav among all of them:

Shelter by The XX,

Soldier On by The Temper Trap,

Invented by Jimmy Eat World,

Letters From The Sky by Civil Twilight.

Enjoy:)

2012-01-19T05:30:00.000-08:00

“You never get over it, but you get to where it doesn’t bother you so much.”Jeffrey EugenidesDyed my hair red again instead of black :( here are the pictures I owe:
new wallet ><new bag ><one quarter of the FurrMUSE family. loves.

2012-01-16T09:38:00.000-08:00

“I think a lot, but I don’t say much.”Anne FrankSCHOOL AND WORK IS KILLING ME. I had an amazing night at Butter with the Furr Family on Sat. We were celebrating Evan, Yee Yong and my birthday. AMAZING. Anyway I'm still trying to work out some time to upload those pictures from my phone but "Running Man" is too distractive. Promise to upload this coming weekend! (like anyone cares.)Another video of me in school alone waiting for the rest to have lunch together. I don't do talking.

2012-01-09T19:39:00.000-08:00

“Everything begins only to end. The moment you were born you began to die. That’s how it is with everything.”

Janne TellerI had a blast last night. Thanks for all the birthday wishes and those people who actually make an effort to make me happy. Appreciated. I have two more celebration to go with my family and FurrMUSE family. Don't you hate it when your birthday falls on a Monday? Everything is just.. Zzz not right. But thank god there's Beer Market with their extremely cheap food for happy hour. $2 for a plate of chicken wing/fries plus live band, billiard pool and even darts. totally heaven. Pictures will be up soon I'm so lazy. bleah.the day I got home from work and have nothing better to do so I decided to take a video with my photobooth. I was that bored. Thanks Elyn for my pretty hairdo, I look like I'm wearing a halo that day.

2012-01-05T05:04:00.000-08:00

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.”Olivia WildeMy third day of school and I'm completely worn out already. Waking up for morning classes is really not my thing, I'm still trying my best to fix my body clock. Anyway, I'll be working at FurrMUSE Cineleisure Basement 1 over the weekends for the entire January. please drop by if you happen to be in town! (:

ps. not looking forward to my birthday. not a single bit of excitement.

ps. my bloody watch died on me on Christmas and I have to mail it back to London for repair. kill me pls.

ps. finally changed my phone! and Siri is a dumbfuck.

bye.

2012-01-01T23:35:00.000-08:00

"Don't be a woman who needs a man, Be a woman a man needs."

Counted down to 2012 at Zouk watching Elyn get all drunk and puke. Spent my first day of 2012 at work and had tea after which at Modesto's with Qide and Amanda. I'm still not over the fact that school is starting tml :( damn.

Taiwan.Photos.Part II.

2011-12-30T07:59:00.000-08:00

“I realize that, while often happy and often cheerful, I am always sad.”

Fernando Pessoa, The Book of Disquiet

Spent my x'mas with qide as his bday celebration. TWG tea and OverEasy. A very relaxing and chill day. love it. Met a few people who I haven't seen for ages. People like my secondary school friends and also, my baby kaz, jel and melly not forgetting, Xianwei, Jon, Darryl, Kat and Ying Xuan. I love x'mas! It's the season where everyone gets together and seeing old faces makes me happy. The other day,when I was lying on bed trying to sleep, I thought through my 2011 and realize, the best period of the year was the time when I met xianwei and qide. So much laughter and joy. major miss. Happy New Year people! 2012, please be nice to me. no shits, same friends, more happiness. Photobucket: New eyeshadow! pretz.

2011-12-26T06:07:00.000-08:00

“And once you lose yourself, you have two choices: Find the person you used to be or lose that person completely.”One Tree Hill

Merry Christmas and a Happy Boxing Day(:

Taiwan.photos.part I

2011-12-22T09:44:00.000-08:00

“The truth is painful. Deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can’t help ourselves. Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much.”

Grey’s AnatomyI'm back from Taiwan. 8 days of what almost felt like hell to me. Finally I'm home. I miss home. not exactly home home, just the people and the food. Bet you must be thinking Taiwan have better food and whatever. You are not wrong if you're a sausage, bubble tea, mee sua, chicken lover but for my case, not so much of it. The shopping there wasn't asgood as I expect. I was looking forward to it but to my disappointment, it's utterly bullshit. It's either too cute or it's hip hop sort of style which is a fuck no for me. Probably because of the winter season, the clothes were mostly thick and it's ridiculous if I buy them back. Basically the trip is a mixture of heaven and hell for me. As for the pictures, it might just take some time for me to post them up on my blog as there's approximately 200 plus of it and yes, I'm lazy. So here's the overdue photos which I think were taken during Oct? Anyway it's NAFA Fun Day and Halloween. yes, I know it's fucking long ago, thanks Elyn for uploading them finally after months of threatening.Merry Christmas People! oh and... HAPPY BIRTHDAY QIDE! may ns not fuck you up. I love you!

2011-12-12T10:12:00.000-08:00

“Logical thinking keeps you from wasting your time worrying, or hoping. It prevents disappointment. Imagination, on the other hand, only gets you hyped up over things that will never realistically happen.”Jodi Picoult; House RulesMsia Trip was awesome. I barely slept more than 5hours everyday for 5 days straight. no joke. too lazy to elaborate much on it. shall do it in point form and pictures! Anyway I'm flying off to Taiwan on Wednesday for 7 days. Will be back on the 21st! and Elyn have finally upload those overdue pictures, from Halloween to Nafa fun day @ Sentosa. gosh. I will upload them after I'm back from Taiwan. Till then, have a good weekend ahead! I miss qide who is probably dying in camp. fuck ns, it's eating him up.
Day1. Genting. Rides. Bowling. Expensive Hainan fucking chicken rice. Outdoor Games. Alcohol. Ciggy. HTHT.
Day2. KL. Bak Ku Teh. Karaoke till 4am.
Day3. Shopping x1000. Sungei Wang Plaza. Clubbing @ "Space". Cheap Alcohol. Good music, good people, good times.
Day4. Mani+Pedicure. Funniest Day. Xiao Shopping. Korean Cuisine.
Day5. Breakfast with Minyee's family. Xiao shopping. A&W(eeew). Airport. Starbucks. Singapore.

2011-12-05T10:09:00.000-08:00

“Do you ever wonder whether people would like you more or less if they could see inside you? …I always wonder about that. If people could see me the way I see myself—if they could live in my memories—would anyone, anyone, love me?”
John Green

Just came home from a farewell dinner with the Exhibit family at Holland Village for my qide since he's leaving for ns next week. Even though he's a pain in the ass and can be quite a dumbfuck at times, I still love him wholeheartedly.

So, I'm still enjoying my holidays life is still good. Gonna stay at home today to pack my luggage for the KL/Genting trip with Elyn, Maggie, Minyee and Jason. I'm very much looking forward to Tuesday. Will be back on the 10th while everyone is happily partying their ass off on ZoukOut. oh Avicii, I wish I could be there :( gonna give ZoukOut a miss since I'll only reach Sg at late night. someone, anyone, kill me pls.

ps. I did eyelashes extension today and being a not-so-ladylike me, it's irritating the fuck out of me. I have to be gentle when I remove my makeup, I can't rub my eyes like how I used to. this is killing me but, I must persevere! go viv! it's like a fucking training on how to be gentle. damn.

life without camera, that's when photobucket is your only hope. I'm still waiting for Elyn to upload the pictures from her camera, those pictures were taken MONTHS AGO. I wonder how long more she's gonna take until she finally upload them. sigh. I need a camie.

2011-11-30T02:28:00.000-08:00

“I felt something catch in my throat, a sudden surge of sadness that caught me unaware. It almost managed to take my breath away. That was the thing; you never got used to it. You never got used to the idea of someone being gone. Just when you think it’s okay, and you think you’ve accepted it, someone points it out to you, and it hits you all over again, and it’s just as shocking as the first time.”

bye November, you've treated me well. December, be nice and last as long as you can.

the other day I made sushi for the boy. I'm glad he loved it. major love.

2011-11-28T09:41:00.000-08:00

"La tristesse durera toujours; The sadness will last forever" -Vincent Van Gogh

you gave me roses,

all I saw was white chrysanthemum.

our love is a waiting death.

I'll meet you on the other side of the world.

and when our spirit meets,

I'll make you stay.

2011-11-25T02:19:00.000-08:00

Happy Ending?

There are no happy endings.

Endings are the saddest part,

So just give me a happy middle

And a very happy start.

my days can't get any better, I'm really happy with my life right now and this is bad. I'm really afraid to feel happy, because it never lasts.

2011-11-22T22:30:00.000-08:00

“I am all in a sea of wonders. I doubt; I fear; I think strange things, which I dare not confess to my own soul.”-Bram Stoker, Dracula.I'm enjoying every single day of my holiday. Sleep all day, Party all night. Looking forward to 6dec, KL/Genting trip with friends and 14dec,Taiwan with family for 8 fucking days. This is going to awesome.

2011-11-16T09:43:00.000-08:00

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labryinth, thinking about how you’ll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” Looking for Alaska, John GreenI'm sorry for the things I've done and most of all, the things that are left undone. This time baby, I'll be bulletproof. Blinded by the truth. In the end I'll lose. I always lose.

2011-11-12T04:54:00.000-08:00

“I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.”-BanksyI had 12hours of sleep today after such a long time, finally. It's Saturday and I'm at home watching movies after movies on Funshion, boring yet relaxing. My indian neighbor is cooking curry I can smell it from my room. Makes me feel sad about my dins, maggie noodle again. Life is getting better, but I'm still missing the usual.

2011-11-05T08:58:00.000-07:00

After a long day at work, I sat down under my block, lighted up a stick with my mp3 on. "This earthquake weather has got me shaking inside I'm high up and dry... Pictures of you, pictures of me hung upon your wall for the world to see... Pictures of you, pictures of me remind us all of what we used to be..." This verse came up, and I begin to ponder about life, love and everything else. Yet again, questioning myself what's the purpose of living. why love when you know your heart is going to ache in the end. I don't think I'm asking for too much since I've been through so much.

why don't death just take me away. I'll be happy on that day...

2011-10-30T00:08:00.000-07:00

“Just because we dont talk doesnt mean I dont think about you. I’m just trying to distant myself cause I cant have you.”Wiz KalifaZouk- Above & Beyond / Zirca- Halloween

2011-10-24T08:06:00.000-07:00

“Would you rather me tell a lie and make you happy?
Or tell the truth and make you sad?”-Gabriela Cabreratoo much happened I don't know where to start.

2011-10-15T02:39:00.000-07:00

“The saddest part of a broken heart
Isn’t the ending so much as the start
The tragedy starts from the very first spark
Losing your mind for the sake of your heart”-Raymond E. FeistStill surviving. Still breathing. Still hanging on.
Days are getting really hard to pass with school being such a bitch, the weather is not helping and there's nothing to look forward to. Yesterday was NAFA Fun Day @ Sentosa and after being persuaded by most of them I decided to go. It was really bad at first, waking up at 5.30am is not a joke and waiting for the people is NOT funny. So the few of us mange to skip all the games and stupid cheerleading and went to have a drink @ Cafe Del Mar. it's awesome and I was amazed when Elyn told me that my lychee martini can actually float in the pool. I tried, and it did! it's amazing, I was shocked. hahaha. Then some other seniors joined us and played volley ball in the pool and that's when I think I cut my toe which is bleeding non stop. Scary much. Chomps for dins and after which all headed back home, I died on my comfy bed last night.

PHOTOBOOTH-

2011-10-06T07:29:00.000-07:00

"I will remember your small room, the feel of you, the light in the window, your records, your books, our morning coffee, our noons our nights, our bodies spilled together, sleeping, the tiny flowing currents, immediate and forever, your leg my leg, your arm my arm, your smile and the warmth of you

who made me laugh

again."

Charles Bukowski

Overdue pictures consisting of YJ's bday, Zhong's bday and Topshop event.

2011-09-29T11:04:00.000-07:00

I have completely no idea on what to wear for tml Topshop A/W 2011 Fashion Show and Zhong Ming's bday steamboat.

I haven been in the best of mood recently. Things get to me pretty easily and I get frustrated over small matter. School is killing me bits by bits. I miss my babies - kazbb, jellybb, mellybb, xianweibaby and qidebaby. I want my life back.

PhotoBooth:

2011-09-23T11:24:00.000-07:00

“I screamed every hurtful word that I could think of. And what killed me is that they didn’t hurt you at all. You didn’t care what I said, you never have.”

Today could have been the best day you know. you don't know. The saddest summary of a life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.

So I went to download No Strings Attached the other day to watch it for the 3rd time. love it so much and the quotes are amazing :

“This is me, and I’m interested in you enough to show you my flaws with the hope that you may embrace me for all that I am but, more importantly, all that I am not.”

“If you miss me, you can’t text, you can’t email, you can’t post it on my Facebook wall. If you really miss me, you come and see me.”

2011-09-21T10:28:00.000-07:00

“Nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say.”Mitch AlbomI have red and curly hair now. major love it. bye.

2011-09-19T06:15:00.000-07:00

“Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something.”

—	H. Jackson Brown Jr.

overdue pictures:

BBQ with schoolmates
Yammie Birthday celebration
Nabins with schoolmates
Elyn's Make Up exam + Kbox
Grannie's Birthday celebration
Minyee's housewarming
Wild Honey with Kazbaby

2011-09-08T09:14:00.000-07:00

“I look sad because I don’t have the courage to escape from you. And I think I don’t want to understand the truth: for you, I am nothing but a dream. You like to play with life, you’re not afraid of anything, not even of me. But I want you to know that I am not an object or a doll: I don’t change faces on command, I like to sit down every day in the same place, on my own chair, and I know that you, you like to leave, to go to a new place every day.”Consuelo de Saint Exupéry (The Tale of the Rose: The Love Story Behind The Little Prince)I have lots of photos to upload from my iPhone but I'm so jaded. September needs to treat me better. I was just thinking 2011 might be the worst year of my life then I realize as you grow older, your life gets more and more and even more fucked up. Sometimes I wonder what if I happen to die tomorrow. I have been spending my life studying away for a future that no one even knows how it's going to turn out to be. We live in such a world. it's sad. it's tragedy. We should live for today, not tomorrow, not 10 years down the road. We should be happy but now we're ugly.I need a break. desperately.

2011-09-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

some people are meant to fall in love with each other but not meant to be together. we were suicidally beautiful.

2011-08-29T06:56:00.000-07:00

"I was, but then I realized that I was holding on to something that didn't exist anymore. That the person I missed didn't exist anymore. People change. The things we like and dislike change. And we can wish they couldn't all day long but that never works."

-Sarah Ockler

There is nothing worse in the world than thinking you have a chance, when you really don't. I need more time less shit. bye.

2011-08-19T11:03:00.000-07:00

bring me back to July.

2011-08-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

"Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thing, because it can disappear for a long time, and then pop back up when you least expect it."
-Lemony Snicket

Everytime I thought it's the last time, I was wrong. You gave me hope and pull me up. Until something hits me and make me realize you do not care, I won't give up. You should know, you should know... there are certain things you don't know, I wish you knew. but I guess it's better off left unknown.

I should be doing my sketches but ended up here blogging away. I HATE AUGUST. major miss kazbb, jellybb and mellybb. too lazy to post pictures.... goodnight humans.

ps/ my new Dr Martens is super chio and super painful. OHGOD. pictures will be up soon!
ps/ Steamboat feel x101
ps/ This is really the end. hahaha bye!

2011-08-12T10:53:00.000-07:00

standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more I can take.


倔强的以为我真的能改变你

看你装无辜的眼神 我很窒息

难道你没有看见 看见我对你的好

还是你忘了那些数不清的爱情轨迹



你说我傻 傻在爱上只懂爱自己的人

我说你傻 傻在爱他你的眼睛骗不了人

我们都傻 傻在为一段没有未来的爱情付出

还在期待会有奇迹出现



你说我傻 傻在爱上没有感情的分身

我说你傻 傻在爱他就固执的奋不顾身

我们都傻 傻在宁愿被牺牲也不愿意放弃天真

还在期待会有奇迹出现

2011-08-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

“Am I a good person? Deep down, do I even really want to be a good person, or do I only want to seem like a good person so that people (including myself) will approve of me? Is there a difference? How do I ever actually know whether I’m bullshitting myself, morally speaking?”
-David Foster Wallace

photobooth is major love.